Cancer, Again?!?!
There are words I never expected to hear once, or twice!
I was recently told that I have cancer again. The first time, it was PSCC. This time, it is in my lung.
Saying those words feels different than the first diagnosis. The shock is quieter—but it is still a shock. The vocabulary is familiar. I understand scans, margins, pathology reports, and staging in a way I wish I didn’t. But familiarity does not make it easier. Knowing the road to hell and back doesn’t make it any easier. It simply changes the way the shock feels and how it gets processed with a little more experience.
The first time, everything was unknown. There were no lists:
Things to expect
Questions to ask
Success rate for similar treatments
Life expectancy
How many times the medical providers have performed treatment for this extremely rare cancer
The difference between ports and PICC lines
Recovery times after each procedure
No psychological support or counseling
And there were so many more documents I wished I had…
This time, I know exactly what cancer can take—and what it demands. I also know what I survived, including surgeries, chemo, revision surgery, scans, weekly PICC dressing changes, open wound care, emergency room visits, just to mention the top line items. That knowledge cuts both ways. It brings strength, and it dredges up recent, unprocessed memories and PTSD’s that were added to my mind and body over the past few years. My body remembers pain, and I am just under one year out from chemo.
For now, I am taking this one step at a time. Once again, collaborating with my art. There are appointments, conversations, decisions ahead. There is uncertainty—but there is also so much more clarity in “the system” and the procedures and the way to become informed. I’ve walked through fire before. I understand the terrain, even if this Thoracic Park landscape is new.
This second cancer sentence puts even more importance on getting my first journey with PSCC documented in this blog. I thought I could put the first journey here then get into contemporary thoughts that might help support you with PSCC or being a PSCC caretaker. I have said this before…what ever happens, I just need to get up one more time than I am knocked down.
If you are reading this because you also are facing recurrence or a second diagnosis, know this: you are not weak for feeling shaken. You are not dramatic for feeling afraid. And you are not alone in standing at this crossroads again. I am now here, again.
I have heard many others on their 2nd, 3rd or more cancer journeys. No matter what we have and what we need to go through, there are others that have gone before us and they are our inspiration to find the energy we didn’t know was tucked inside us.
We can get back to walking through fire, once again advocating successfully for the outcomes we want. I will give daily gratitude so I can realize things that may have been missed during my first journey.
I am sending you strong energy.